Sunday night coming down from a great weekend. Yesterday – Saturday – I got to watch Victor play baseball. We got up early and drove to Jersey City to watch his team win by mercy rule. Victor had two big hits. He is mashing the ball lately. He hit one ball out to the Right Center Field fence. By the end of the weekend – which includes today’s mercy rule win as well – his team is in first place in their league. He had another two hits today. I am really proud of him. When he puts the work into it, he is a superstar. BUT – like anything else – you have to put the work in.
I missed today’s baseball game to watch Ava in her soccer game. She played inspired soccer! They tied 2-2. Although she didn’t score a goal she had a beautiful assist to set one of them up. I haven’t been to see any of her games or any of her cheerleading competitions this year so it was so great to spend time on the field watching her. Last night/yesterday afternoon we got into a bit of a fight and I came down on her pretty hard with a punishment. This was a nice way for us to spend some time together. I hate punishing my kids but as we all know as parents sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. It is the worst feeling in the world for me. Today it was nice to share a few smiles. Helene and Victor came to meet us at the soccer field after Victor’s game and it felt like we were a family again. So nice.
As for me, sitting at that soccer game wasn’t all a bed of roses. Since I haven’t been there this year and since I haven’t really been a fixture about town, I felt somewhat awkward. Although my eyebrows have grown back from the chemo/stem cell transplant and I don’t show any effects from that procedure, the 40 pound weight loss from the pneumonia is still visible for everyone. I look like a cross between a holocaust victim and Nicole Richie circa 2006-7. I hate having to be seen by people who know me as strong (i.e. fat), tough (i.e. big) and active. I felt as if some were even avoiding me at the game for lack of anything to say. I know I am just paranoid – but that is how I perceive it. Right, wrong or otherwise.
I won’t let it affect me though. I got to spend a weekend with Helene and the kids – as much as I could anyway – I did miss a Bat Mitzvah – but otherwise I am grateful to spend time with them.
My body aches. I am hoping this is muscle pain and not bone pain. I am pushing myself further and further to be that dad again. I am pushing myself to walk, to carry the chairs to the sidelines by myself, to drive, to take on staircases one step at a time instead of one step and rest. I am hoping that all of these little things are building back my muscle and that I start to see some muscle tone soon.
The week ahead holds the last three fractions of radiation. I have some work appointments in between sessions beginning tomorrow. Friday we are holding a big corporate meeting in the city. That will be my coming out party. My suits don’t fit. I will have to figure that one out. You can only cinch a waistband so much!
All in all things are good. I am looking forward to the next step in my journey. I am looking forward to getting this pneumonia off my back and being regular Brad, fun Brad, active Brad once again. My family deserves it. Our pool opens May 4th. I would like to take the first swim!
It was another great day to fight Cancer (or pneumonia) … keep on! #bradstrong