Today is Wednesday. The Wednesday before my second stem cell transplant. On Monday I will be admitted to University of Pennsylvania Hospital for the procedure.
It has been a long, trying week.
It is really tough being compromised from the femur surgery. I am walking much better with the cane but I don’t know when I will truly be able to walk normally again. I am looking forward to seeking out the surgeons when I get to Penn for a follow up.
It is tough not being able to participate as a fully functioning family member. Setting the table, doing the dishes, taking care of the dog, laundry … all of the things that I can’t stand doing regularly I would LOVE to be able to do now.
Over the weekend I missed the Bar Mitzvah of great friends of ours because I didn’t want to compromise myself. My number one goal is to be healthy and strong for Monday. As I said, I don’t cry a lot but I did on Saturday as I watched Helene and the kids get ready and dressed up then off to the party …. without me.
I try to be “normal” – I have been to a couple of Victor’s basketball games but even then there is a slight degree of paranoia when I see people I know or have known for some time. I am different. I look different. I haven’t been to the gym, lifted weights, kick boxed or had any form of exercise since September or October. My adult life, I have usually weighed anywhere between 208 and 218. When I started chemotherapy I ballooned up to 245 from a combination of the steroids and fluids. Now? I am somewhere around 200. My appetite is good. I eat a ton. I am just on the Cancer diet I guess.
So my goal is to stay healthy until Monday. My goal is to live normally in the moments between the pain. Yesterday was great. Tuesday. Kids were snowed in from school from the blizzard. We watched a movie as a family. I worked a ton. Paid the bills. I was able to help Victor with a project in the basement with my tools. After that, I got my ass kicked in Madden Xbox by him as well. Living for those moments when things are “normal” in between the pain. Around 10:00 PM, the pain kicked in again. And again, I was back in Cancer mode.
So today, Wednesday, “hump day” I feel really good. I have a campaign I am working on for work. Victor has a game tonight and so far …. all is well. I made it through the first half of the week. Got over the hump. We are not that far away from relief.
Love to all…