I have many reflections and thoughts over what transpired with my Cancer over the last few days. One of the most interesting things is that upon returning home from the hospital, I was so happy and content to be home. I didn’t want to be in bed. I didn’t want to be in my room. I wanted to be on the couch. With the family. Together. I was just so happy.
And then I thought about it. I was watching TV. An old Seinfeld rerun was on. The one where George and Jerry volunteer to take care of the elderly. And George has a conversation with his guy:
He asks him: “How can you be so happy when you are so close to the end?” And I thought about my happiness. And how that happiness intersects with the fact that I am living with an INCURABLE cancer. Why am I so darn happy?
Let me give you one reason. REMEMBER, this is not a blog about science. It isn’t a medical blog that will discover the latest treatments. It is a blog about how I view my life, my cancer and my road to remission. So here is why I am so happy – at least one of the reasons:
When I got home I told the kids that Multiple Myeloma is defined or staged in four categories that spell out the word CRAB.
C = Calcium – when I got to U Penn Monday afternoon my Calcium levels were extremely elevated
R = Renal – kidney failure or disfunction. Also, most likely because of the calcium levels my kidneys were out of whack
A = Anemia – Blood. I have been anemic for awhile now. Regular blood transfusions and low hemoglobins are the norm
B = Bones – We all know about my lesions and messy bones! The least of which is the rod we are dealing with in the femur.
Well? Why am I so happy then? THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD IT ALL. In my mind, I told my children, I have taken everything that Myeloma can throw at me. The C, the R, the A and the B – and I am still standing here and now it is MY TURN TO FIGHT BACK. This is it. This is got to be Myeloma’s best shot. I stood tall like Ali on the ropes and dug in and now I am coming out punching.
Simple? Yes. Realistic? Probably not. I don’t care. I believe it. My wife and kids believe it and that is all that matters to me.