2/23 – Perspective

I coach basketball for my 10 year old Victor. We are a pretty good team. 11- 1 in one league, 5-1 in the other. This week we played in a tournament. We are playing against some really good teams. We lost on Monday and we lost this morning as well. This morning I lost as well.

I coach. I work at a pretty high level and pretty demanding hours. I am a husband. I am a dad. I have cancer. I have chemo every Friday and Saturday. It’s a lot to manage. It’s especially a lot to manage when you want to be the BEST, the absolute BEST at all of them.

I typically don’t yell. This year in coaching it has been different. I don’t know if my expectations are too high because of our record. I don’t know if its because we have a goofy team. These kids have fun – so much fun together – that I don’t get on them for goofing around in practice because they win. AND … they are great kids. I love them. I don’t know if this year is different because I am taking a steroid on Friday and Saturday (Dexamethasone) that screws me up. All I know is I have to CONTROL it.

We played horribly this morning. We didn’t convert lay ups. We didn’t pass the ball well. We took errant shots and we were 5-20 from the free throw line. STILL – we only lost by 5 points – against a really good team. I LOST IT at halftime. I LOST TODAY. The boys lost because I lost. They deserve better from me.

I mentioned earlier in this blog that having cancer gave me PERSPECTIVE. PERSPECTIVE on what really matters in life, in love, in my day to day interactions. My numbers have been great. 81% remission. On the track for (dare I even mention) complete remission. I can’t let my PERSPECTIVE have an inverse relationship to my numbers. PERSPECTIVE needs to stay with me. FOREVER. No excuses on that one. What I have learned by facing my own mortality has made me stronger, kinder (I hope) and more tolerant. That CANNOT CHANGE.

I also posted about never spiking the ball. Cancer will come back again after remission. That’s not an if, it’s a when. That’s how Multiple Myeloma operates. I can control my destiny (to a certain extent) by keeping the PERSPECTIVE I changed because I am facing this disease.

While I would love to blame the steroids, I can’t. I screwed up today. We play again tonight – I will gather the boys in a circle pre game and apologize. Basketball is fun. Especially when you are 10 years old. Today I lost that PERSPECTIVE and as a consequence we lost the game. It won’t happen again.

The greatest team in the world … below … Westfield White!

20130223-153435.jpg

20130223-153452.jpg

20130223-153508.jpg

20130223-153519.jpg

4 responses to “2/23 – Perspective

  1. I wouldn’t worry , your team will understand and appreciate that you care.
    Have fun, try to stay calm, thank you for sharing how you feel. We all lose it once in awhile, it’s part of being human. And we are our toughest critics , always trying to be better people.
    Good luck tonight, rich

    Sent from my iPad

  2. Brad, what you showed today is that you are HUMAN…but, by reflecting on it, using it as a growth opportunity, and apologizing to the kids for letting your emotion take over in the moment, you will, once again, lead by example, and show what an awesome MAN you are.

  3. Hi Brad. We all have good days and bad days, and the kids didn’t have it this a.m., not because of you, they just didn’t. As the Coach you always try your best to motivate, teach, snap them out of their stupor, etc. Sometimes it works – a 16-2 record doesn’t lie – and sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t blame yourself too hard, you don’t need to apologize to anyone, for anything. We win as a team and lose as a team. And we’re incredibly fortunate to have YOU as the LEADER of OUR TEAM.

  4. My husband also helps to coach our son’s
    team (8th graders) and has noticed that this last year (on Dex) he was a changed man. He is not the main coach (thank goodness) but there were times I had to explain to the refs or other parents to just ignore him because he was on steroids and had been on them for 6+ months at that time and they altered his personality. He hated it and learned to tone it down but most times found he couldn’t totally control it…kinda like PMS for women. All this to say, try to not be too hard on yourself – Dex is a mood altering drug and while you may be able to control it a little don’t beat yourself up if you can’t.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s