Last night I didn’t sleep. Not because of cancer but because of the storms. Heavy winds and rains do not mix well with a house built in 1870. We have designs on fixing it. Completely gutting it. The plans are drawn up – the time frame just got pushed back. I think more than the wind and rain – THAT’S what kept me up. The time frame on everything I want to do – we want to do – just got pushed back. THAT is the new normal.
Kind of like the scene from Risky Business or the scene from Big when the winds blow over the kids bike. That wind last night represented a change, a SHIFT, in my life. Everything now is about kicking cancer. Everything depends on THAT.
As we come to the end of the year this was not how I expected to look back. But with cancer you cant look back. When you look BACK – you get punched in the face after you turn around again. I have chosen to look forward. 2012 has been an interesting year to say the least. There has been a lot of change in my life personally and professionally. I choose to look FORWARD. I am hopeful that those blowing winds last night represent a shift change in 2013 toward better health and a year full of success for all of us – my family, friends and clients.
That is the new normal in my life. I have cancer. It sucks – BUT – It is now who I am. Everyone else will go on with their lives – their daily struggles and successes – and so will I. I will just do it with one more stair to climb. I try to anticipate the struggles – emotional, physical, financial, medical – but I have to tackle them as they come. It’s the only way forward – TO NOT LOOK BACK.
I don’t know if that sounds to depressing or not. I don’t mean it to be. I have the utmost confidence that I will kick this into remission but I also know it won’t get easier as time goes on. I am grateful for all the comments and emails I get every day. It’s just been a week since my last treatment and there hasn’t been much to report on. I am looking forward to tomorrow at Mt. Sinai and getting some more meds inside me. Every time I go there it’s with the anticipation of better blood work and getting one step closer to remission. BUT as I said – in between treatments – life goes on – for all of us. I guess that is my SILVER LINING today. Every day that goes by I am one day closer to NORMAL.