As I finish my two week cycle of chemotherapy and continue on the path Dr. J has designed for my recovery, I have been thinking about the psychological aspects of Cancer and how to best confront my opponent in this massive battle.
The FIRST THING that comes through your mind is anger. I am healthy. I work out, eat right, don’t smoke – do all the things one is supposed to do. Why me? “Why me” is the worst thing to think. “Why me” is defeatist. Why me? Because. No other reason than because. I got picked. Now I have to deal with that. I got picked though for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is but I do know that all of these things have happened since I started battling Cancer:
1. I have an intense appreciation for all that is good in my life
2. I am much more aware of what I feel emotionally and how to express that
3. I have learned about the power – the healing power – of friends, family and community
4. My personal relationships throughout my life continue to deepen meaningfully
The little negatives don’t bother me anymore and the little positives simply ELATE me.
This opponent is not to be taunted. Never, NEVER SAY FUCK CANCER! Cancer can beat you in so many ways. I respect my opponent and its ability to grow, spread, possibly kill and mess with my head in all kinds of crazy ways. I will DEFEAT Cancer but I will not TAUNT Cancer.
The very worst part of this is that every time you go to the doctor there is information to be learned. It could be good. It could be bad. But SOMETHING has happened. How’s the blood work? How’s the bone scan? What’s this new pain?
Every time I have a new pain, I cough, I roll over, lose a pound, gain a pound I think to myself – “What does this mean?” There is so much unknown to this. This disease has the power to come back – even just as you think it’s getting better – and regenerate another way.
Cancer is the 2007 New England Patriots. So many ways to defeat you and it takes so much pleasure in doing so. Fortunately for me – I have all of you – THE NEW YORK GIANTS PASS RUSH – on my side when the game is on the line. When the stakes are the highest of all (AKA the Super Bowl) we will defeat our respected opponent. BUT – I promise you one thing – when we score the winning touchdown – when we put this beast into remission – we simply hand the ball to the ref and prepare for the next season.
Because Cancer will come back. It will draft new players, make a few trades for next season and try again to defeat me. I don’t ever say FUCK CANCER.
You see, there is no cure for Multiple Myeloma. You can put it into remission but as of now there is no cure. It will come back. It needs to be constantly monitored even after remission.
So in this SPORTSCENTER highlight reel day and age where the name on the front of the jersey far too often becomes more important than the name on the back, I fight with DIGNITY and RESPECT. I am grateful that I have all of you behind me. This blog gets nearly 450 hits every day! I don’t know who but I know how many. How many people in my life that have made a difference in my fight. How many people have stood up with me and said not FUCK CANCER but BEAT CANCER. We will win.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you one and all. #bradstrong