11/21 – Wednesday

Every morning I wake up the first thing I want to do is hug my wife.  Every night before I go to bed I make sure to kiss her goodnight.  Amazing how we take the little things for granted.  Sometimes during the night I want to wake her up just to hug her.  Is that selfish?  I just let her sleep – and I remember – remember how lucky I am to have this family of mine.

 

Told the parents, brothers, sisters in law.  Everyone has a guy.  Everyone has a doctor to see.  You have to see the best.  Helene’s breast surgeon got me in to Mt. Sinai where they have a MM department.  I think this is my guy.  Biopsy Monday.  I will go back to Overlook Friday but wait until Monday for the biopsy.  I like the Overlook guy as well but you have to go where the care will be the best.  Who knows what that is?  Not me – go with your gut.

 

Worked all day – 4 appointments.  Felt a little out of it and not focused.  Understandable.  Weird thing about it is everything abnormal – a new pain, a cough, being tired etc. leads me to believe it is spreading.  Gotta attack this shit NOW!

 

Peed in the jug.  Had to pull the car over all day long in empty parking lots – deep in empty parking lots – between appointments and pee in a jug.  Never thought I would have to do that.

 

Told the kids today.  Did not use the cancer word – only because we haven’t been officially diagnosed.  Told them I would have chemo treatment, surgery, and more meds.  Just like Aunt Carolyn.  It would be tough – but if I didn’t do it – it would be worse.  Did they understand?  Don’t know.  How do you protect the ones you care about so deeply?  This shit sucks – but you have to find a SILVER LINING.  That is my new mantra.  Every day wake up (hug my wife) and find one SILVER LINING.

Wednesday again –

Thanks so much to Jeremy, Jeff, Uncle Don and Dr. Port.  Your information – although overwhelming – helps so much.  I know you all have my back.

 

My buds are all out at Dillons tonight for cocktails.  I am home playing Sequence for Kids with my family.  So happy I am.  We were there earlier for dinner.  Another weird thing about this is…You look around the bar – guys, girls – everyone has their shit but no one has your shit.  I am the only one here with MM – AND I am the only one (except my family) that knows it.  Life goes on for so many of us and we are only aware of our own stuff yet we coexist in the world, the neighborhood and the local stores and pubs.  Unaware of each other’s stuff.

 

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